I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
