if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
