the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
