OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
