I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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