I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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