I need help removing her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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