can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
