i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
