She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
