so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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