he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
