i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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