Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
