JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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