How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
