Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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