Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
