dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
