Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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