Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
