we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
