Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
