well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
