I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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