i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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