idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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