The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
