I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
