You smell like a Billy Joel song
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
