Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
