So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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