marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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