Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Drunk is not a location!
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