Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
