i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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