So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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