dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
