I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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