For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
