You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
