So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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