Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
