just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
