Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
