Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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