Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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