im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
