I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
