i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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